Anyone who knows me knows I have a problem with emotional eating. This past week has been no exception. However, this morning I have made a few decisions.
Eating poorly will:
1. NOT bring my cousin back
2. NOT stop the pain my aunt, uncle, cousins, and whole family are feeling
3. NOT answer any of the terrible questions that are circling around all our heads
Someone with emotional eating issues may tell you that eating dulls the pain. It gives you a place to put the emotions that we feel are too overwhelming to deal with. The question then remains for the person, such as myself, that is trying to NOT emotionally eat - where do you put those emotions?
Well, I started going back to the doctor (read: shrink) I saw leading up to the surgery. Dr. K did my surgical evaluation, and I saw her for months after the surgery. I haven't dealt with something this emotionally trying since well before surgery, so I knew I was going to need help. I feel good that I am going back, even if it's just for a little bit, to get my bearings.
I think the hardest part of emotional eating is the cycle it gets you into. I takes a lot of work to get out of that cycle, and practically nothing at all to suck you back in.
Finding a different outlet for the overwhelming pain of this kind of loss is difficult. When I am trying not to dull it with food, I inevitably end up being bitchy - usually to Anthony - who takes it extremely well. But, there has to be a better way. I am hoping that going back to therapy will help me figure it out.
This is yet another "day 1" in trying not to eat out of anger/sadness/frustration. I'll probably be back to write more later...
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