I was already having a tough morning when I dropped Josh off at Grandmas - but when my MIL made the discovery (and thank God it was her, and not a student or co-worker) that my maternity jeans were SPLIT down my ass - it really topped off the day. And it's only 9:00 AM.
Not only are they split, but they are SHREDDED. Totally beyond repair. The clincher is that I don't even know when it happened. It could have been last week, and I've worn them at least 4 times since then.
This is just reinforcing the hatred I have for myself right now, for my huge body, for my lack of control, my emotional eating. I'm not just getting a bigger belly, my ass, my legs, my arms - everything. I tried weighing myself this morning only to find the scale needs new batteries. I haven't decided if this is a good or bad thing. Although, the way the day has been going so far, it's probably better off.
Of course, I'll say it again. I am trying to eat better today. Yesterday didn't go like I wanted. I cried to Anthony last night and he promised he would start exercising with me. We'll see.
God, please just help me get through this day without a nervous breakdown. Amen.
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