obsession

woops....
It took me a while to get out of the weighing-myself-everyday (sometimes twice - yikes!) obsession. Mostly, I think it was when I got pregnant. Weighing myself everyday was a mute point at that time. However, I have slipped back into it and, before I send myself on a downward spiral of depression, I need to stop it. Previously, my hubby helped me with this by taking the scale and putting it in the attic. Hmpf.
The scale (AKA: The bitch) has told me in the last 2 days, I have gained 2 lbs. The last two days have been stellar eating wise, excellent with exercise and better and better with water. Fuck you, scale. You LIE.
Now, when I say that the bitch is lying, I mean that, although perhaps my body, for some unknown reason, is holding onto these few pounds, I have been feeling really good. Good as in, fit, attractive, strong. So, why do I care what the scale says? Well, because I am still quite a way from my goal - which is not an unrealistic goal: 180. Currently, as the bitch states, I am 239. 2 days ago, I was 237. It took me weeks and weeks to get out of the 240's, and now I am perilously close to it again. What the hell?
I have a few potentially logical answers: I did great with water yesterday, and not so much before that. I could be holding on to some of that. Also, I say my eating has been stellar, but I have been below my calorie goals almost constantly. Part of my brain still thinks "YES!!" while, the other part is saying: "MORON!, you have to EAT to lose, especially when you are exercising 5 days a week now!"
Therefore, I will try and believe that these reasons are why, and that they will pass. The old me would have said "screw this, if I'm going to gain, I might as well gain eating chocolate and ice cream" But that's not me anymore. I won't lie and say that that particular thought flew into my head - but I dismissed it quickly. I need to focus on how I am FEELING, and how my clothes are fitting (which is changing rapidly) I feel GOOD when I eat correctly, and when I am working out, pushing and challenging myself. So, that's where I am going to stay.
Later Bitch. I may just have to stick you back up in the attic.