stuff

No, I never finished blogging about my last few days on the 5 day pouch "test", but I'll sum up. The only weight I lost was during the first 2 days of liquids. As soon as I ate solids again, I promptly gained 1/2 lb and stayed there. Now, it's been a few weeks and I have fallen back into eating *some* junk, but mostly ok. I have stayed at or around (within 1/2 lb) of the same weight. Hm. So, I am doing liquids again today. Maybe tomorrow too, I don't know. Losing even a couple more lbs before conceiving would be helpful, I think. Don't get all excited. We aren't trying just yet... not that I would tell you if we were... hehe.
The whole weigh loss thing is so exhausting. Thinking about it and worrying about it everyday can be really overwhelming. Especially feeling as though you are so close to "goal". You may ask, where did I get this goal? Well, I really don't know why I thought at some point in my fat life that I wanted to one day weigh 170. They goal slowly crept to 180 as this all went on, and now I am about 40 lbs away from that and I am wondering if I will ever get there. I am also wondering if I care enough to make this goal I seemingly arbitrarily set for myself. No... I don't think "care enough" is the right phrase. But, I mean really - will my life be miserable if I don't lose 40 more lbs? Will I really be unhappy if I keep a loss of 145 lbs instead of 185? I really really want to say that it won't matter. But I don't know if that's true. I mean, I have always wanted to be under 200 - and it's a mere 20 lbs away. *sigh*. I'm just so tired of thinking about it.