Stuff

I had my first dream about Brian last night. Part of it was him smiling at me and telling me it was ok. But, I still felt confused and sad and scared. He just kept smiling. It didn’t make me feel any better.
I’m temping full time now, and I don’t know how long I can do it. I am so uncomfortable – me and my almost 8 month pregnant self. My legs and feet are huge, and not only am I working 7:30-4, but I am also still balancing my 13 private students and running the rehearsals for this concert coming up at the end of June. What was I thinking about with all of this, you might ask? I’ll tell you. I didn’t want to temp, but the hubs insisted we couldn’t make it work financially if I didn’t. So, here I am, juggling this and everything else I am already committed to.
I am grateful for the work. There are lots of people out there who can’t get work right now. I am grateful that what I am doing is low-key. High stress would not be good for my blood pressure at 8 months pregnant. The problem is that it’s SO low key that I am sitting around a lot of the time, but needing to look busy. Like now. That might sound like heaven to some, but I need to be busy, or I want to rip my hair out. Not to mention sitting at a desk all day is making me very achy and therefore very cranky. I am not sure how my family is even dealing with me right now. I suck.
I have noticed what bad eating habits can hit you so quickly at a desk job. Especially a desk job where the café is one floor up and makes the most amazing chocolate chip cookies ever. Very bad, This is day two of having one. (don’t misunderstand “one”. “one” cookie is as big as your face) It must stop. For one thing, the only way I am going to get out of here earlier than when Sammy decides to make his appearance is by saving every penny I make. And buying a chocolate chip cookie might not seem financially draining, but add that to a bottle of DDP and a yogurt in the AM and you are looking at $5 a day. $5 x 5 days a week is $25. That’s significant.
I’m also not eating when I am hungry. I am eating when I am bored. And at this point, that is all day.
The fund raising concert scheduled for the end of the month should be great. Granted our first rehearsal is tonight and I won’t really know till after that, but we are working with professional people, who get their shit done and will learn music quickly. That’s what we need. As far as I am concerned, if the group numbers don’t work out, we cut them. We only leave in what is going to be high quality performance. Tonight should prove interesting.
It’s 3:00, and I am here for 1 more hour. If only I could find SOMETHING to do to eat up an hour… I can’t wait to see my little man. I miss Josh so much now that I am working everyday. I mean, when I was teaching, I did some kind of work everyday, but I was home with him a few days and worked during his naps and in the evening. It was great. Sometimes I feel like the only time I see him is when he is cranky. However, Ant was kind enough to remind me that Josh is 3 – cranky is his job right now. But, he is the reason I want to save every cent, so I don’t have to work all of July, and he and I can spend quality time together before Sammy comes. I hope that will help ease things a little for him. Ant is going to take some days off and we are going to do some day trips, like the museum, aquarium, stuff like that, just to spend some good time with him.
I am sure all moms wonder this, but is it possible to love your second child as much as your first? I have so much overwhelming love for my little Joshy, I can’t imagine feeling that way for another child… but everyone I talk to says they felt the same way, and some how, it just happens. That love is just there for the new one too. I can’t wait to meet my little Sammy. Samuel Anthony Brian Festa. He is going to be so loved.
Ok, I guess I should go try to find something to do. *sigh*